I'm going to pretend for a little bit that this blog isn't seen by lots of people - many of whom I don't even know. I'm not going to try to include a lot of photos to catch your eye or try to make you laugh. Not this time.
I don't talk about this to many people because it is, frankly, embarrassing but I struggle with sadness. Depression is the technical gross word for it. I like to just say I'm sad - it's less depressing sounding. Bunnies can be sad. Kittens. Pandas. Cute things can be sad. Lately, I've been much sadder than I can remember being in the last few years.
Mostly, I become sad for no real reason. Feeling lonely is the main cause. But I've felt lonely in a room full of people celebrating me. I can feel lonely if I write a blog and no one comments on it or send a text that doesn't get a response. I can feel sad and lonely when someone is shouting compliments at me. I can feel sad when it's cold and grey (which is alot in Seattle, right?) or when I work at home and have no one to talk to. I can feel sad when a purring cat is nuzzling me.
When I'm sad I want to have a concrete reason for it - someone or something to blame. The weather. My job. Where we live. My weight. My husband. My friends. Not having many hobbies. In actuality, it's no one or no things' fault that I'm sad, but my own. I need to change my thinking and my outlook. I need to find happiness in the small and the large. I need to do more. See more. Live more. You can't be sad when you have no time to realize you are, right?
But how does one change their thinking and discover real happiness? Happiness that runs deep. Is there more to it than changing outlook? Do I need to change my surroundings? Wait for the sun to come out?
What makes you happy? How do you combat sadness?